(no subject)

Fuck. It's not a good day when seeing a bus schedule can get me to cry.

(Some days it's hard not to think I'm the worst person in the world -- even though I know it's grandiose, and way out of proportion, it's *still* how I *feel* and it's *not* a pleasant place to be, no matter how positive a spin I try to put on it).

(Some days it feels like *everthing* I touch withers and dies from the poison within me.)

(Some days I just *know* I'm not worth forgiving -- and the world confirms it.)

(Some days it's just one breath, and I'm back in that foul, pestilent pool of filth that was my low-self-esteem as a kid, growing up. How do I suck? How have I screwed things up? How is *EVERTHING* my fault? Let me list the ways....)

[ To quote a poem I wrote just after my grandfather died: "...and the hands that hold her under are the ones she finds at the end of her own arms."]

Some days just fucking suck -- today is one of them.
  • Current Mood
    depressed hoping to achieve "numb" soon